Our New Moon Parody
by Cold War Takeover
Summary: Our New Moon parody, which we will soon post to youtube! :D
1. Charecters & Copyrights

NEW MOON PARODY SCRIPT

© Lawanda Alexander

© Katherine Hadden

Charecters © Stephanie Meyer

This copy of LA KA Twilight Parody Script belongs to:

X_______________________________________________

Publisher signature:

X_______________________________________________

CAST(IN ORDER OF APPEARANCE):

Edward: Kathy

Bella: Lawanda

Alice: Kathy

Jasper: Jami

Carlisle: Amberlee

Jess: Jami

Random Guy #1: Kathy

Other Random Guy: Amberlee

Billy: Kathy

Sam: Amberlee

Paul: Jami

Jacob: Kathy

Embry:

Marcus/Aro/Demitri/Cauis/Felix/whoever it is…: Kathy

Jane: Kathy


	2. Scenes 1 through 3

SCENE ONE/BELL.'s B-DAY BASH…?

(_Edward smiles evilly at Bella. She looks confused then slowly realizes what he's planning. She slowly backs away.)_

B: "Edward, _no._ You are _not_ throwing me a birthday party!"

E: _grabs Bella's wrist and starts dragging her to his car_ "We already have it set up though!" _stuffs Bella in the car_

B: "You suck, you know that?"

E: "Well, of course I do! I'm a vampire, duh." (ANYONE GET THE JOKE? XD)

B: "That's not what I meant, Edward…"

(THEY ARRIVE AT EDWARD'S HOUSE)

A: _"_I'll make sure Bella gets out of the car, Edward. You go hunting or something…"(JUST PRETEND SHE'S TALKING TO EDWARD!!!!!) _drags Bella out of the car_ "But I…worked…so hard on… it!!!" _speaks in between pulls_. _Gives up_ "You're strong for a human…JASPER!!!!!"

B: "I'LL GET OUT!!! You don't have to get…" _shivers_ _and gets out_

A: _stands behind Bella protectively so she won't try to run_ "Now, let's start with the-"

B: _bangs her elbow on a porch pole (MADE OF WOOD) and starts to bleed_ "Oww! I hit my arm…"

J: _takes one breath and lunges for Bella_

B: _screams_

A: _tries to protect Bella_

J: _pushes Alice aside and tackles Bella. Starts snapping at her neck, but Bella keeps squirming_

B: _keeps screaming_

C: _sees what's happening_ "JASPER!!!" _pulls him off of poor Bella_

B: _keeps screaming with her eyes shut_

A: "Uh…Bella? He's off."

B: _stops_ "Oh…uh…I knew that…"

J: _keeps trying to squirm out of Carlisle's grip_ "Let me go! I'm calmed down!!!"

A: "Why don't me and you go hunting, Jazz?"

J: _quickly nods as Alice drags him off to go hunting_

C: "Now, let's get your arm fixed up…" _only touches her arm and all the blood goes away_

B: "Holy crap, you're fast, Dr. Cullen!"

C: _laughs_ "Please…call me Carlisle."

B: "Uhh…Ok then…"

SCENE TWO/ED. LEAVES

(Edward walks into Bella's house and sits on the couch. Charlies, sitting in a recliner, turns off the TV, throws the remote on the floor, and stomps off. In another room, they hear him yell angrily. Edward rolls his eyes while Bella looks embarressed. Edward suddenly looks serious.)

E: "Bella, I need to talk to you."

B: "OK!"

E: "I'm leaving."

B: "OK! Where?"

E: "Alaska."

B: "CAN I COME???" (We all know how much Bella loves Alaska, from the prequel to this...)

E: "Bella, I'm LEAVING you."

B: "I know! Can I come?"

E: "Bella, I'm leaving. You."

B: "I KNOW THAT ALREADY!!! CAN! I! COME!"

E: "NO YOU CAN'T COME!!!"

B: "Oh." _finally gets it. bursts into tears._ "WHHHHHHHHHHHHYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYY???????????"

E: _growls_ "Bye. Isabella."

B: _suddenly normal_ "Buh-bye! Wait, can I come?"

E: _stomps off growling_

B: _pouts for a little while, then shrugs and gets the phone. (Talking into the phone)_ "Hi, Billy! What's Jake doing..."

(A NOTE GOES UP): A FEW MONTHS LATER…

SCENE THREE/BELL. HEARS VOICES!!!

(Bella and Jessica are walking to McDonalds. Jess keeps saying random things about the movie, and all Bella does is nods. As they're crossing the street, Bella sees two random guys.)

B: "Oooh! They look dangerous enough!" (thinking)

E: (in Bella's head) "NOOO! Don't cross the street, Bella!)

B: _gasps_ (out loud) "Edward?!"

RG1: "Whaa?"

RG2: _shrugs_ "Ask her for a drink, Bob."

RG!: "Hey, can I buy you a drink?"

B: "No, it's OK." _walks off_

(When Bella meets back up with Jessica at McDonalds, Jessica rushes at Bella and grabs her shoulders.)

J: "What were you doing?! I thought you were raped, killed, molested, abused-"

B: "No. It was even better." (she's thinking of Edweard)

J: _immediantly lets go of Bella "_Uhhhhh...."


	3. Scenes 4 through 6

SCENE FOUR/BELLA IS JACOB'S DAD?!?!?!

(Bella walks into Jacob's garage, while Jacob is under the car, fixing something-or-another. She knocks on the trunk.)

J: "Not now, Dad!"

B: "Excuse me?! Since when am I _Billy_?"

J: _gets out from under the car_ "Oh. You're not my...dad...Uhh...sorry, Bells."

B: _laughs_ "No problem. So...whatcha doin'?"

J: "Fixing up my Volkswagen Rabbit."

B: "Ohhhhh_..." has no clue what Jacob is talking about._

SCENE FIVE/WHAT HAPPENED TO JACOB?

(Bella is calling Jacob on her phone. Billy answers.)

Bi: "Hell?"

Be: "Billy? Is Jacob there?"

Bi: "Yes."

Be: "Well, can I talk to him?"

Bi: "NOOOOOOO!!!"

Be: "Uhh...why?"

Bi: "He has MONO!!!!"

Be: "What's....that?"

Bi: _sighs_ "EBV infectious mononucleosis is an infectious, viral disease which most commonly occurs in adolescents and young adults. It is characterized by fever, sore throat and fatigue, along with several other possible signs and symptoms. It is primarily diagnosed by observation of symptoms, but suspicion can be confirmed by several diagnostic tests." (Wikipedia has almost exactly this same info, as the top part before the little "Contents" thingy. Just search MONO, and you'll find it.)

Be: "Umm...explain in simpler words?"

Bi: "Ugh! He has the kissing disease!!!"

(A sign goes up saying "THE NEXT DAY...")

Be: _calls Jacob again, but with no answer. Does this several times until she throws her phone on the ground_ "FINE!! I'll just drive over there, then!!!"

SCENE SIX/THE PACK...

(Bella is sitting in the car doodling when the pack--Jacob, Sam, Quil, and Paul--walks up to it. Jacob walks forward and bangs on the window. Bella throws up all of her papers (at least 25 if them, so that no one can see inside the car) and fumbles for the door. She steps out.)

B: "Jacob, can we talk?"

J: "Talk." _said in a much deeper voice than usual_

B: _looks behind Jacob with wide eyes._ _keeps looking at the pack while she speaks_ "Alone..."

J: _turns toward the guys and just stares_

Q, S, & P: _nod, turn around, and go in the house_

J: "Talk."

B: "Edward, why do you hate me?"

J: "Because you called me Edward."

B: "Jacob, why do you hate me?"

J: _sighs_ "I don't hate you, Bells."

B: _falls into his arms_

J: _holds her, even though its kinda akward_


End file.
